@ Home
Before I had gone soft spoken in voice, I recall it had gotten hoarse & that's when my tale had begun.
Before I had gone soft spoken in voice, I recall it had gotten hoarse & that's when my tale had begun.
I recall vividly, my wife had
given me that look & said in that all too infamous old
wives' tone "You're not like before".
Oh-o now what? - I had thought.
I had raced my mind to figure out my next old husbands' move. As a response, should I put on that 'Hey, what are you talking about?' child-like innocent look OR should I just confess?
Well, eventually I'll anyway be found out- I recall I had concluded.
I had decided to own up.
Boys aspire to look like their dads but that day, I had reversed the order, just to borrow my sons innocent looking face.
I had taken a deep breath, shut my eyes & opened my mouth to tell it all with a : "Ahm...actually....er...you know...I umm ...no honey I umn". Hen pecked that I was, I had found myself completely speechless.
Before my 2nd attempt, my son had interjected "Yes dad you are not like before - your voice sounds like a croaking frog" !
FROG? I had pondered with an inverted-u-smile.
Phew, anyway topic had got changed .....or had it?
Anyway, I had lived to tell a another tale.
Oh-o now what? - I had thought.
I had raced my mind to figure out my next old husbands' move. As a response, should I put on that 'Hey, what are you talking about?' child-like innocent look OR should I just confess?
Well, eventually I'll anyway be found out- I recall I had concluded.
I had decided to own up.
Boys aspire to look like their dads but that day, I had reversed the order, just to borrow my sons innocent looking face.
I had taken a deep breath, shut my eyes & opened my mouth to tell it all with a : "Ahm...actually....er...you know...I umm ...no honey I umn". Hen pecked that I was, I had found myself completely speechless.
Before my 2nd attempt, my son had interjected "Yes dad you are not like before - your voice sounds like a croaking frog" !
FROG? I had pondered with an inverted-u-smile.
Phew, anyway topic had got changed .....or had it?
Anyway, I had lived to tell a another tale.
@ Work
You all well knew that slowly my voice had gone from croaking like a frog, to that sound of a teenaged tadpole.
And so since over a month, each of you had been escaping my screaming & shouting - no matter how much indiscipline you had put on display.
As if that was not enough, I had been further troubled by the fact that when some of you came to my office & I spoke softly to you, you also had respond back to me softly.
Why?
I had wondered if you were also having a problem with your vocal chords or was mine a contagious disease or to add insult to injury - you were making fun of me by imitating me. To add ouch to my agony, when I was in excruciating pain & couldn't even speak softly, I was compelled to just whisper. The response I had got was a soft counter whisper - forcing me to ask "What...what?".
You all well knew that slowly my voice had gone from croaking like a frog, to that sound of a teenaged tadpole.
And so since over a month, each of you had been escaping my screaming & shouting - no matter how much indiscipline you had put on display.
As if that was not enough, I had been further troubled by the fact that when some of you came to my office & I spoke softly to you, you also had respond back to me softly.
Why?
I had wondered if you were also having a problem with your vocal chords or was mine a contagious disease or to add insult to injury - you were making fun of me by imitating me. To add ouch to my agony, when I was in excruciating pain & couldn't even speak softly, I was compelled to just whisper. The response I had got was a soft counter whisper - forcing me to ask "What...what?".
I had
suspected that maybe I also had an ear problem.
When I used to write on a note
pad, your answers were also in writing - just because your handwriting is
better than mine eh?
Anyway, I had lived to tell a another tale.
Anyway, I had lived to tell a another tale.
@
Doctor's
I had gone for a check-up & had told the doc my problem in a very faint voice. He, in an equally whispery soft voice had responded back "You can't speak?".
I had gone for a check-up & had told the doc my problem in a very faint voice. He, in an equally whispery soft voice had responded back "You can't speak?".
No
kidding! I remember, I was fuming at being made fun of by this so
called noble profession guy.
Sensing that I was getting upset, my wife had taken over and she had explained my 'case of the disappearing voice'. I think he looked a wee bit extra delighted as she had narrated the events.
The doctor had eventually understood that I was a patient loosing patience.
Finally, he had began his business with his standard operating procedure.
"Any history of blood pressure or diabetes or heart problem?" he had asked without any emotions of sympathy. I recall I had shook my head into a no-no-no, as I had remembered Akbar, Chandragupta Maurya & Mrs. Sita Kumar my history teacher in school.
Then after the expected "aye, ee, ii, oo, uu, ... ahhh" that the doctor had made me do with my tongue completely out ( pls try it right now - it's fun ) he had looked at the nurse from Kerela and used big big medical words. I knew about these nurses from south of India, I was told they believe that - doing service to mankind is doing service to God. I had indeed felt safe as she had nodded an Indian nod ( shaking head side to side-wala ). But then the Doc had looked at me and uttered the the great grandfather of big words that made me feel unsafe - "We need to do a nasolaryngo-scopy on you".
I had also nodded without any understanding, resembling that nurse and turning instantly Hindu, as they have 86 lakh ( +/- 10% ) Gods & I had prayed to all of them at once. I waz as half scared as half excited :
Scared as that grandpa of a big word had just confirmed to me that - invoice to recover a lost voice, would be huge :-(
Sensing that I was getting upset, my wife had taken over and she had explained my 'case of the disappearing voice'. I think he looked a wee bit extra delighted as she had narrated the events.
The doctor had eventually understood that I was a patient loosing patience.
Finally, he had began his business with his standard operating procedure.
"Any history of blood pressure or diabetes or heart problem?" he had asked without any emotions of sympathy. I recall I had shook my head into a no-no-no, as I had remembered Akbar, Chandragupta Maurya & Mrs. Sita Kumar my history teacher in school.
Then after the expected "aye, ee, ii, oo, uu, ... ahhh" that the doctor had made me do with my tongue completely out ( pls try it right now - it's fun ) he had looked at the nurse from Kerela and used big big medical words. I knew about these nurses from south of India, I was told they believe that - doing service to mankind is doing service to God. I had indeed felt safe as she had nodded an Indian nod ( shaking head side to side-wala ). But then the Doc had looked at me and uttered the the great grandfather of big words that made me feel unsafe - "We need to do a nasolaryngo-scopy on you".
I had also nodded without any understanding, resembling that nurse and turning instantly Hindu, as they have 86 lakh ( +/- 10% ) Gods & I had prayed to all of them at once. I waz as half scared as half excited :
Scared as that grandpa of a big word had just confirmed to me that - invoice to recover a lost voice, would be huge :-(
The exciting part was, maybe once this 'Go Larry's-nose go' thing was done, we could put that in our company profile, in the 'Management Leadership' section under my name as a qualification passed :-)
He had then asked me to lie down on the couch & had dropped a few drops into my nose. I recall well that I was tickled & spooked - "Problem is in my throat sir, not nose" I had said loudly, almost. The doctor had got startled at the sudden awaking of my voice and had shhhh-ed me into a silence. After a few seconds, I had felt that I was not breathing at all and was bewildered as to how I was still alive?
To confirm, I had asked.
The Doc had ignored me; the kind God's nurse had explained that he had just administered local anesthesia & as the drops trickled down my nose and reached my throat, they left behind a trail of numbness. Dumbness I had thought - at least he should inform me before doing this to me. Indian Doc that he was, his eloquence was in his stern silence.
Anyway, he had then pulled out a tube camera to insert into my left nostril.
I remember, I had posed.
He had slowly pushed it in, much to my horror ( though I was not embarrassed, there were no road blocks ) and slowly the tube must have reached my voice box, deep in my throat. After about 20 second he had removed the tube and watched the movie that he had recorded ... sans any popcorn.
At least he had finally found his voice again "Ahhh" he had exclaimed. Not fair, I thought ... he had taken a short cut to good luck, as he had skipped the other vowels that he had made me utter.
"There is a problem" the pleased Doc had said. He then had explained to me at length without big words but had still managed to scare me "Imagine a two door window. To shut it tight, we must close both the doors. However in monsoon, sometimes we experience that the wood gets swollen and then the window does not shut but remains ajar. Same has happened to your vocal chords that act like the two doors of a window; one of them is swollen for some reason".
I
had reasoned myself to never keep my mouth open in any future monsoons.
He had said that he could laser-cut my swelling and fit it all back to size. I was scared of operations, so I had asked him if he knew of any alternative methods.
He had said that he could laser-cut my swelling and fit it all back to size. I was scared of operations, so I had asked him if he knew of any alternative methods.
Bewildered
the Doc had asked "Like what"?
My turn.
I had happily dispensed advise to the doctor "You know no cutting fitting,
why not do like just how those tantric fellows do - they make the patient chant
some chants & its sorted"
"Chant"
the angry Doc had said in a loud voice ( much to my jealousy ) &
had continued "No tantric, the only trick - is to shut up
... & be that way as much as possible" as he had walked
out of the room.
I had
promised myself to never see him again. Well destiny had other plans for
me.
Nevertheless, I had left from
there. ..quietly of course.
Anyway, I had lived to tell a another tale.
Anyway, I had lived to tell a another tale.
@ Being silenced
During
that frustratingly quiet period of no talking, by chance, I met myself a
bit more intimately. I had actually realized what it was to be a handicap
- sure makes me a more sensitive person now.
When in a group, I am regularly that guy that rants at the top of hiz voice, seeking and soaking in disproportionate attention.
But due to my forced silence, I had actually begun to wait for an accidental eye contact with someone to signal my message, as I was being ignored in a group. Alternatively, I would take advantage of that sudden and unplanned momentary hush that tends to just happen every once in a while between humans in conversation. That pregnant pause, that occurs between talks for no apparent reason, would make a 'normal' persons feel a bit awkward, but to me, it was 'my moment' to grab & whisper out a short message in between.
In a world where 'survival of the fittest' is a mantra, it must be heart wrenching for some, to be just a mute spectators.
Anyway, I had lived to tell a another tale.
When in a group, I am regularly that guy that rants at the top of hiz voice, seeking and soaking in disproportionate attention.
But due to my forced silence, I had actually begun to wait for an accidental eye contact with someone to signal my message, as I was being ignored in a group. Alternatively, I would take advantage of that sudden and unplanned momentary hush that tends to just happen every once in a while between humans in conversation. That pregnant pause, that occurs between talks for no apparent reason, would make a 'normal' persons feel a bit awkward, but to me, it was 'my moment' to grab & whisper out a short message in between.
In a world where 'survival of the fittest' is a mantra, it must be heart wrenching for some, to be just a mute spectators.
Anyway, I had lived to tell a another tale.
@ The dead of the night
Well, I had then learned of a freak advantage in that indisposed state.
In agony & unable to take it any longer, I had gone to the same doctor's late one night. Surprisingly, hiz wife saw me from the window, I had inquired in the softest of voice "Is the doctor home?"
She it seems had taken me a wee bit too seriously. She excitedly looked around to see if any of the neighbors were watching. On confirmation that none were, in a hush hush voice had replied with a mischief in one eye & a wink in the other, as if to beckon me invitingly inside her abode & said with a smile "No he is not" !
Just then, the doctor had returned home ....damn.
Anyway, I had lived to tell a another tale.
Well, I had then learned of a freak advantage in that indisposed state.
In agony & unable to take it any longer, I had gone to the same doctor's late one night. Surprisingly, hiz wife saw me from the window, I had inquired in the softest of voice "Is the doctor home?"
She it seems had taken me a wee bit too seriously. She excitedly looked around to see if any of the neighbors were watching. On confirmation that none were, in a hush hush voice had replied with a mischief in one eye & a wink in the other, as if to beckon me invitingly inside her abode & said with a smile "No he is not" !
Just then, the doctor had returned home ....damn.
Anyway, I had lived to tell a another tale.
@ God knows where
I came, I saw & they put me to sleep.
I was in a timeless zone. However, I could still see them all peering over me. They were examining me. They would touch me but I could not feel them.
Some looking at me in awe and some thought me to be awful. Some nervous, some pretending to not be and yet some genuinely interested. Some were fearful of me. However, I felt no glee nor glum, no emotions at all. Just then someone got out a dissection blade.
I woke up, I saw and I came to my senses.
Anyway, I had lived to tell a another tale.
I came, I saw & they put me to sleep.
I was in a timeless zone. However, I could still see them all peering over me. They were examining me. They would touch me but I could not feel them.
Some looking at me in awe and some thought me to be awful. Some nervous, some pretending to not be and yet some genuinely interested. Some were fearful of me. However, I felt no glee nor glum, no emotions at all. Just then someone got out a dissection blade.
I woke up, I saw and I came to my senses.
Anyway, I had lived to tell a another tale.
@ Being
me again
What? ...I was not a frog in a bio lab being examined by students ! I am a patient just operated upon for my vocal chord nodules. My general anesthesia had just worn off.
I could still see them all peering over me, they were doctors; including my favorite one !
It was 15th Nov 2014. The operation had gone off well, thank you.
I had instantly realized that I shall soon be able to speak normally once again i.e. humanly ... until my darling gives me that next dose, in that old wives' tone & makes me speechless again !
What? ...I was not a frog in a bio lab being examined by students ! I am a patient just operated upon for my vocal chord nodules. My general anesthesia had just worn off.
I could still see them all peering over me, they were doctors; including my favorite one !
It was 15th Nov 2014. The operation had gone off well, thank you.
I had instantly realized that I shall soon be able to speak normally once again i.e. humanly ... until my darling gives me that next dose, in that old wives' tone & makes me speechless again !
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